Our Story: the night(s) we met

I've been wanting to write Our Story for a while, but never really got around to it until now. Life has a tendency of getting in the way & the mundane everyday tasks or ominously important gotta-do-it-right-now jobs creep up the list of priorities. But we all know how that goes. To keep myself focused, I'll share "our story" in three parts: the night we met, before deployment, and during deployment. I'll preface the following story by saying his version of events and mine are different (obviously) but it's still the same.

Let's travel all the way back to 2013. To set the scene, when I first met Joey it was in a bar. My bar. The bar where I worked damn near every day for 2 years. At this time I had just moved, renting a room from a sweet & very understanding friend of a friend. My last serious relationship ended with horrendous lies, deceit, and heartbreaking betrayal that could easily resemble a tragic comedy / daytime soap opera, and I needed to relocate with a quickness. The night I met Joey was a Thursday; I was invited out to my bar by my new roommate & her boyfriend to hang out and enjoy my night off. That's how it normally goes - when you work in a bar, you tend to spend your nights off in the same bar. Seeing as how I was there so frequently, I actually discouraged customers from too much off-the-clock interaction. Anyone in that industry will understand. And that's why when I went out that night, I didn't put much effort into my appearance. I wore my favorite ballcap, which fits very low & allowed me to avoid any undesired eye contact.

my overexposed selfie from that night

Thursdays were never that crowded at the bar, and this night was no exception. As soon as I entered I walked to the main bar and waited my turn. A guy was already there waiting politely, so I posted up about 5 feet away from him, and refused to make eye contact (typical behavior on my nights off). When the bartender came down to our end of the bar, he immediately asked what I wanted. Assuming he was only helping me first because we worked together, I acknowledged the stranger next to me & told him "That guy was here first." This 'guy' responded with a simple "Ladies first," and even after I tried to make him order he refused to ask the bartender for anything. Not wanting to waste my friend's time, I quickly ordered my beer, the gentleman followed suit, and our bartender complied. Beer in hand, I turn to him & thanked him, telling him that not many people would have done what he did, to which he replied, "Well, I'm not from around here."  I raised my bottle in a cheers gesture and said "Neither am I." Before he could get too comfortable talking with me, I drank a sip & walked away to find my roommate. In all honesty, I forgot about that encounter until Joey told me about his first time meeting me (almost a year later). Even though he says that's when we met - and he's right because we did technically meet - for me it didn't really count.

While I was busy chatting with my roommate, Joey had gone upstairs to join his friends. He told them about this girl he just met, and how beautiful she was, and how down-to-earth she was, and how this chick was just what he's been looking for. He said he was going to get her number that night because he wanted to get to know her and learn more about her. In the time that he was plotting his next move, I was headed up to that group of guys to say "hi" to the boyfriend of my roommate. I have absolutely no idea Joey is there because I didn't even take notice of him when we ordered our drinks. I don't recognize him, I don't acknowledge him, and I don't stick around long. After a quick greeting, I wander away and find other people I know and continue my night. According to Joey, as I walked away he stared at my roommate's boyfriend in disbelief and blurted out, "Dude, that's the girl!!" and proceeded to interrogate the poor guy:  Who is she?? What's her story? Is she seeing anyone?

If you were to ask me, I'd tell you that the first time we met was about a week after that night, in a completely different bar. My roommate's boyfriend knew Joey was interested in me, and in keeping with Guy Code would not tell me but rather would assist in helping us meet again. He basically bullied me into agreeing to show up at a Buffalo Wild Wings for a "getting out of the Marine Corps" party for a guy I didn't even know. So one Tuesday night I walk into B-Dubs to hang out with my roommate & her man. This was the night that I met Joey, ha! ha!

I took my seat on the empty end of the table away from the crowd next to my roommate. After a few moments, a young good looking guy walked the length of the table & took a seat one chair away from me. "Oh great," I thought, "here we go... " Not surprisingly, he struck up a conversation. We talked briefly about our shared rural upbringings, our occupations, and our hunting excursions back home. We drank some beers. I nicked a promo PBR glass. Eventually turkey calls were imitated by the both of us, in some weird effort to impress each other.

Flash forward to 2016 & our wedding hashtag: #itallstartedwithturkeycalls

Look at me now

I always told myself I would never date a military man. Probably because of the first one I met when I moved to California. He was my then-boyfriend's roommate, and he was a scumbag sailor in the US Navy. I mean this guy sucked at life. He was the "friend" that always had the all-powerful bad influence over my boyfriend. Even at the time I knew that my boyfriend was just as much at fault for his own shitty behavior, yet I couldn't help but blame the loser & magnify his flaws. He used his friends, he lied, and he constantly cheated on his gorgeous girlfriend who thought the world of him. The few military guys that I met after this initial encounter did little to sway my first impression.

Fast forward about 5 years. Now I'm working in a country-themed bar, and that kind of establishment in a military town like San Diego has a tendency to attract all the displaced folks who were raised in a rural area. Namely military guys & gals. While working there, I was hit on more times that I care to count, and not because I'm pretty or funny or nice or honest. I was hit on because I was a girl in a bar. Plain & simple. Over the years I've heard plenty of pick-up lines, and just as many obscene attempts to hook-up. In total I was proposed to 9 times during my 2 years in that bar. ha! ha! Don't worry, I didn't take any of it seriously - my natural reaction was to laugh it all off. The lack of sincerity in romantic gestures in that atmosphere was palpable. But throughout my exposure to the Military Types, I did forge some lasting friendships with people who did not suck at life. And I had to admit to myself that they weren't all bad, but I still held fast to my resolution that I would never date a military man.

Present day:  I'm over a year into the best relationship of my entire life. I've found a man who is my match in every way, my very best friend, the love of my life... and he just happens to be a United States Marine. When I first met Joey I was actually bummed that he was active duty and I didn't think that a serious relationship was in the cards. But that's the thing about life - "Never say never." As fate would have it, I've fallen head over feet in love with this man. And with him, comes the military and the uncertainty that goes along with it. Right now we are more than half way through his 3rd deployment with the Marine Corps, but this is my first deployment as a girlfriend. I've seen friends deploy before & they seemed to return fairly quickly. In hindsight the last 5.5 months have gone by quickly and yet leisurely all at the same time. The distance has actually helped us grow closer together because it's helped to cement our already solid foundation. We lean on each other and turn towards each other with all of our issues. Most of all, we communicate. That's got to be one of my favorite things about Joey - we can honestly communicate with each other. I'm grateful beyond words that he found me.

With his homecoming right around the corner (2 months? 3 months?? more????) we are talking more and more about our future together. But guess what? The Marine Corps is calling all the shots. They will decide when he can come home, they will decide how much time he will have away from work, and they will decide when & where he will go next. Joey has told me about some orders that are looming on the horizon, and how he wants me to come with him. As much as I love him, I will gladly go where ever he may go, and that's looking more and more like it will be in North Carolina. Only time (and the Marine Corps) will tell when and where, but I will go anywhere with him.

Aside from the fantastic love I now have in my life, I'm also at the beginning of a solid career that I am passionate about. About 4 months ago I completed the Veterinary Technician program at Pima Medical Institute & graduated with an Associates of Applied Science. I'd be lying if I said that a college degree ain't a big deal. I worked hard for that piece of paper and it's a great feeling knowing that I set a goal and achieved it. Last month I passed the massively difficult Veterinary Technician National Exam (VTNE) which qualifies me to be licensed in the state. I'm one exam away from being a Licensed Registered Veterinary Technician!! This is a huge step forward in my field that will help me out down the road, especially if a cross-country move is in my future.

Contemplating where I currently am in life, looking back at where I've been, and anxiously awaiting what is ahead of me, I can't help but feel humbled and blessed. I really do try to live in the moment and not dwell too much on what I can't affect or alter, and so far that's made me pretty damn happy. So, here's to a new year, full of change. And here's to all the happiness, love, and light that I can emit into the Universe & allow to permeate my own existence.   <3 nbsp="" p="">

Love Should Feel Good

Love should feel good. Relationships that leave you feeling depleted, sad and making excuses are not based in love.

Often in our lives, we fall prey to the idea of a thing rather than actually experiencing the thing itself. We see this at play in our love lives and in the love lives of our friends, our family, and even fictional characters. The conceptualizing, depiction, and pursuit of true love are multimillion-dollar industries in the modern world. However, very little of what is offered actually leads us to an authentic experience of love. Moreover, as we grasp for what we think we want and fail to find it, we may suffer and bring suffering to others. When this is the case, when we suffer more than we feel healed, we can be fairly certain that what we have found is not love but something else.

When we feel anxious, excited, nervous, and thrilled, we are probably experiencing romance, not love. Romance can be a lot of fun as long as we do not try to make too much of it. If we try to make more of it than it is, the romance then becomes painful. Romance may lead to love, but it may also fade without blossoming into anything more than a flirtation. If we cling to it and try to make it more, we might find ourselves pining for a fantasy, or worse, stuck in a relationship that was never meant to last.

Real love is identifiable by the way it makes us feel. Love should feel good. There is a peaceful quality to an authentic experience of love that penetrates to our core, touching a part of ourselves that has always been there. True love activates this inner being, filling us with warmth and light. An authentic experience of love does not ask us to look a certain way, drive a certain car, or have a certain job. It takes us as we are, no changes required. When people truly love us, their love for us awakens our love for ourselves. They remind us that what we seek outside of ourselves is a mirror image of the lover within. In this way, true love never makes us feel needy or lacking or anxious. Instead, true love empowers us with its implicit message that we are, always have been, and always will be, made of love.

=========
This was an email sent to me by DailyOM.com. Those who know me, know that I needed to hear this. So I thought I'd share.