Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Economy = CRAPFEST

The universe always seems to throw a curveball when I need it the least. I'm characteristically very happy and chipper - a real "glass is half full" kind of perspective. But lately, I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep that attitude and outlook, and this is when I need it the most.

Last Friday I got laid off, and since then I've been combing thru online postings looking for jobs: desk jobs, modeling jobs, restaurant jobs...anything really. I hope something pulls through soon. This really couldn't have happened at a worse time. Not only do I not have any savings, but if I don't find some source of income soon, I won't be able to pay rent next month. Lately, I've been considering jobs I never would've bothered with before - like selling my eggs. My freaking eggs!!! Although it would be a quick way to make about $10 Gs, I can't quite bring myself to hand my DNA over to other people. It's just too weird of a concept for me to really grasp right now. I mean, it's noble to help out a couple that desperately want a baby, but I can't quite talk myself into it. (And I secretly think that the world couldn't handle more than one of me at this time.)

This job-hunting is all very frustrating, but I know that I'm not the only one struggling right now, and I also know things really aren't that bad for me. I have a great circle of friends who are very supportive and family members in several states that would take me in at a moment's notice.

Besides, I know that every thing happens for a reason, and I really believe that everything will work out exactly as it should. I just wish it would all fall into place a little faster. I'm trying not to get discouraged, but it's kind of a shitty situation. Seems I'm in some kind of funk, and I don't like it. I don't like not being able to take care of myself - I don't like feeling sorry for myself.

Yesterday I had to remind myself that there are still a few things within my control, such as my mood and my efforts, so it's not a completely hopeless situation. Plus, I've always said that positive thoughts manifest themselves into positive energy & events. How big of a hypocrite would I be if I didn't take my own advice? Huge.

Also on my list of things-that-I-hope-pull-through is Lingerie Football. I'm hoping that the San Diego Seduction will hit me back and give me a chance to try-out. I used to play full tackle football with the guys, so I know I could take the hits and deliver some neck-poppers myself. The only thing I'm worried about is that I won't be gorgeous enough to make it. I'm girl-next-door-pretty; not a bombshell by any means. But fingers crossed!!

Friday I went hiking to the Three Sisters waterfalls near Julian to do a photoshoot. I had a great time, but the water was so cold! I'm expecting the photos to come back in about a week. Erik, the photographer at the falls, was also a photographer at a corset shoot I did last weekend and he gave me a CD with the pics he took.

This corset was cinched up so tightly, that I could hardly breathe! I don't know how women survived 100 years ago. They told me that the last model to wear this corset passed out, and when I was still conscious after 25 minutes, they said I was a trooper. Damn straight!

Corset Shoot

I created a page on Facebook to post my modeling pics until I get my website up and running. You can check them out here:

P.S. The Beatles' music is timeless.

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