When we ask for strength, the universe sends us difficulties to make us stronger.
How true, right? Strength doesn't come from push-ups and crunches. Real strength comes from experiences. That's what life is all about: experiences.
I can feel that I'm ready for that next big experience in this life. When I moved to California, it was primarily for a boy. I learned a lot from that relationship, and when it ended (precisely as my family and friends knew it would), it was for the best. I still don't know exactly what I want in a relationship, or if I even want one for that matter, but I do know exactly what I DON'T want - which is a wonderful place to start in my opinion.
Life has a way of teaching us valuable lessons - and if we miss it the first time, the universe is obliged to put us thru those trials and tribulations again and again until we DO get it.
Being 1,500 miles away from everything and everyone I grew up around was a trip. Being alone and that far away from all I knew and loved was even trippier. And yet, I'm still here. Here I am - standing tall - stronger than I was - wiser than most people my age are - and ready for that next challenge.
Did I say challenge??? Lord, did I ever get what I asked for...
San Diego has been good for me. I took what could've been a horrible experience, and turned it into a good one. I've shown myself that I only need to be dependent on myself to get by, but in my time here I've found some extremely wonderful people and have created a great number of solid friendships. I've discovered/acknowledged my own spirituality and started to nurture it in order to one day obtain enlightenment. While in California, I've learned so much about myself, and grown to love myself that much more (because let's face it - I'm kind of awesome).
As cool as my time in California has been, I'll always be a country girl at heart. In fact, when I moved out here, I knew I wouldn't live here forever. I'm glad I moved to California, even if it was originally for the wrong reason, but I'm ready for a change once again. Really, I think I was ready about a year ago, but it's so hard to save money out here, especially when you're underpaid. Now that I'm out of work, and bills are piling up, and the state of California is on the verge of collapsing, I'm starting to think the universe is trying to tell me something...
Leaving San Diego will be bittersweet for me. While I've never had the intention making CA my permanent home, I kind of feel like I haven't experienced everything that I wanted to do here. I haven't seen all the sights, I haven't really explored the whole city. But maybe that's for the best. I'm sure I'll come back and visit, just like I still go back and visit Kansas.
Portland, Oregon has been my next destination for over 2 years now. Most people question my choice: "Why Portland? It rains there - it snows there - it's still a city." To which I respond: "Why not? I know - I know - I know."
Yes it rains there, but guess what: it rains in Kansas too.
Yes it snows there, but not as much as Minnesota. And (surprise) it snows in Kansas too.
Yes it's still a city, but it's closer to the wilderness than San Diego is. And I NEED the outdoors! I'm a country girl...it's just who I am. I survived the Kansas weather for 21 years just fine: blizzards, droughts, floods, triple-digit summer heat, humidity, -32 below zero days... I'm sure some rain and snow in another state won't bother me in the least.
I've been job-hunting for a month now, and I'm still broke & jobless. I've searched for jobs in San Diego, and I've also been looking in Portland. Would you believe the Portland jobs are responding back to me faster than the SoCal jobs? It shocked me too.
So, in the next few days I'll start driving north - from SD to Oregon. I've got a job interview on Tues, hopefully another one on Wed, and a photoshoot one of those days. I'll get to scope out my new home, and maybe get a good hike and a camping trip in. On the way back, I'll drive the 101 like I've always wanted. And I'll be doing it alone - with my awesome self.
I want to be in Oregon by October - that will be my birthday present to myself. In the meantime, I'm going to create my own reality. I'm going to visualize myself getting a great job in Oregon, finding a cheap place to live, and moving up there in the next few months. I'm going to think positive, and put that energy out into the universe. I'm only responsible for myself, and right now the best thing for me is to get out of California.
Money is my biggest obstacle right now, but if I believe that it will all work out, then it will. Perhaps one of these jobs will offer me relocation assistance! And my step-dad said he will come out with the truck to help me pack up my stuff and move up there, which is basically a free moving service. I'm such a blessed lil' girl have such wonderful people in my life. And who knows? Maybe a San Diego job will hit me back and hire me on - then I can get on my feet financially, and get some $$$ saved up for a deposit and 1st month's rent!
Instead of waiting on someone to make it all better, or for some miracle to work out, I'm going to create my own reality...my own Happy Ending. However, according to Schmendrick the Magician: "There are no happy endings, because nothing ends."
If I believe it will happen, then it will.
If I'm convinced I will fail, then I will.
Whatever I visualize happening will come to pass, because I'm directly connected to the rest of the universe thru my own consciousness, just like every other person on this planet.
Visualize your own reality, and you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish!!!